


Ashes to ashed and dust to dusted

by siren_of_the_ocean



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Clint Barton, Clint Barton-centric, M/M, Minor Character Death, clint goes to war, winterhawk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 06:10:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5697937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siren_of_the_ocean/pseuds/siren_of_the_ocean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The call came in the middle of Avengers movie night. "Agent Barton it will appear that your phone is ringing and has been for the last 5 minutes" he informs and Clint sighs, draping himself over Steve and Thor's lap's to get to his phone which is still playing best friend's brother into the night. Clint presses the phone to his ear and waits for someone on the other line to speak, when they do Clint is left speachless "Major Barton" is said into his ear and it feels like the floor has been swept out from under him as he takes deep breaths. It takes him a moment to answer and when he does his voice sounds rough "yes?".</p>
<p>Or the time Clint was deployed to the army</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I heard somewhere that Clint was in the army. SO I did this with that. It is also on my Wattpad account if you want to check it out

The call came in the middle of Avengers movie night, Tony was steadily getting more drunk, Steve being confused about the movie-Maze runner- and Bruce being devious tells him that it's a metaphor for life, a maze with no apparent out unless you have a differently wider brain. The escape is death, everyone looks at the screen in horror and Nat is quick to switch movies to Percy Jackson and the sea of monsters. Clint yells at the screen at each inaccuracy, having read the books.

Thalia's death plays out and Thor, drunk off his feet starts singing a ballad to a great soldier's death which Clint rolls his eyes at "at least this scene is correct. Nevermind. Demigods and technology do NOT work together you idiots!" He yells, Nat laughing at him as he throws a piece of popcorn to hit Clarisse in the eye. The phone rings, loud but not clear over the music so nobody pays attention, focusing on the screen where Percy and Clarisse are battling it out on the weird structure until Jarvis pauses the movie "Agent Barton it will appear that your phone is ringing and has been for the last 5 minutes" he informs and Clint sighs, draping himself over Steve and Thor's lap's to get to his phone which is still playing best friend's brother into the night.

Nat eyes him and softly says "glad I don't have a brother now". Tony's laughter is undeniable as it echoes through the practically silent room. Clint presses the phone to his ear and waits for someone on the other line to speak, when they do Clint is left speechless "Major Barton" is said into his ear and it feels like the floor has been swept out from under him as he takes deep breaths. It takes him a moment to answer and when he does his voice sounds rough "yes?".

The man on the other side breaths deeply before answering with a curt "you are being deployed to Iraq in 10 hours, be ready at the helicarrier" he says and hangs up. Clint holds the phone to his ear for a while more, the movie and team falling into silence once more in his mind. As the shock of going back into battle settles in his eyes go blank, his muscles relax and he instinctively reaches for his side-arm, a dessert eagle usually at his hip.

He ignores the rest of his team in favor of going to his room to get ready, he pulls his army uniform from the back of the closet and irons it, eyeing his hair which is NOT up to standard and sighs. He grabs a pair of scissors and heads back to the common room where the tv is turned off and everyone is just chillin "I've got an op tomorrow" he informs, shoving the scissors at Bucky. Metal clinking against metal. Bucky looks at him confused, eyes that shine without the hostility of the Winter soldier but a look that Bucky didn't have but Clint just smiles at him and goes to sit on a bar stool, angling himself so Bucky can easily cut his hair "military standard" he says quietly so the rest of the team don't hear.

They don't need to know that Clint is going into a war zone for an unrepresented amount of time, it would just worry them. Bucky raises an eyebrow but runs his fingers through Clint's hair and the gentle snip-snip of the scissors is surprisingly loud in the basically silent room. Clint looks down at the counter top and thinks back to his days in the army, before SHIELD. A body count, bombs, gunfire, blood, bodies, dead comrades. It all flashes in front of him and he shudders, Bucky runs his Metal hand down Clint's jaw in a move that could be adjusting his grip or moving his head to cut hair but it's gentle and it's all Clint needs to bring him back to the present.

The team eyes the tv screen with interest and Clint smirks as he lightly turns his head to see them, Bucky tightens his grip on Clint's hair and gently yanks his head back in position. Clint rolls his eyes in amusement and lets out a small sigh as he tilts his head back, seeing Bucky and almost involuntarily waving sarcastically. Bucky raises an eyebrow and smirks around the scissors where he has them clamped between his teeth. Clint feels Bucky tap on his shoulder and looms back at him where he's holding the scissors out toward him.

He takes the scissors and stands up, ready to leave but Bucky grabs his arm and as Clint looks at his eyes, seeing resentment as he glances to the hair falling into his eyes. The rest of the team have finally put on a movie and are now watching The Lion King as Simba sings about how he's going to be a great king "-I'm gonna be a mighty king so enemies beware. Well I've never seen a king or beast with quite so little hair" Clint sings along while raking his fingers through Bucky's hair. The irony is unprecedented. He eyes the hair and remembers how Bucky used to look during the war. He starts snipping away "I'm gonna be the main event, like no king was before, I'm brushin' up on lookin' down, I'm workin' on my ROAR" Clint sings as he combs Bucky's hair.

Bucky smiles in amusement as Clint sings along , Bucky's hair falls on his shoulders, his lap and on the floor as the continuous snipping is overpowered by the chorus of the song. Clint spins Bucky's chair as he sings, pausing in his cutting for a while "no-one sayin' do this,no-one sayin be there, no-one sayin' stop that, no-one sayin' see here." Clint sings, going on his knees in front of Bucky which draws a quiet laugh from the soldier. Clint counts it as a win as he spins the chair and starts finishing Bucky's hair " free to run around all day, free to do it all my way.   
I think it's time you and I arranged a heart to heart.

Kings don't need advise from little horn-bills, for a start.

If this is where the monarchy is headed count me out.

Out of service, out of Africa, I wouldn't hang about.   
This child is getting wildly out of wing.

OH I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE KING!   
Everybody look left. Everybody look right.

Everywhere you look I'm standin' in the spotlight!   
Let every creature go for broke and sing.

Let's hear it for the herd on the wing.

It's gonna be king Simba's finest fling!

OH I just can't wait to be king" he sings softly into Bucky's ear as he pulls a mirror from Nat's handbag, without her noticing which is quite a feat and reflects Bucky's new look as well as his.

Both styles are military standard and both of them DO look good in it but Bucky's expression absolutely stumps Clint, he looks lost in memories but at the same time he looks so...HAPPY. Still laying his head on Bucky's shoulder Clint sees Bucky wipe at his jaw and his eyes sparkle with wonder as he looks solely at the reflection, meeting Clint's eyes and the look in his eyes is something Clint can't describe. It leaves Clint speechless and hoping he comes home from his supposed op.

Bucky stands up abruptly, his hand raking across Clint's as he heads to the couch and taps Steve's shoulder. Steve, unsuspectingly turns around only to freeze and stare wide-eyed at Bucky which attracts Tony's attention and a comment " man Barnes, you look HOT" which pulls a feeling that is definitely possessiveness from Clint but he isn't sure why. One by one the team turns and stares which makes Clint smile, he did well. The last thing he heard while leaving the room was presumably Steve tackling Bucky in a hug and hitting the floor with BOTH their weights and Pepper asking "why can't you react like that to my haircuts Tony?" as a joke.

The next morning Clint wakes up at 8:30 AM. 1 1/2 hours before he's supposed to leave. He heads to the kitchen and Nat hands him a cup of coffee, cold and black just like he likes it. He grabs the cup and downs it, much to Tony's horror, he hates the cheap, cold, black coffee Clint thrives on. Steve and Bucky enter, both sweaty after their morning sparring session along with Thor and Bruce who are debating science against magic. Again. Thor winning. Again. Clint smiles and pulls his feet onto the counter to balance on the balls of his feet and as Bucky passes him he ruffles his, now short hair, smiling when all Bucky does is swat at his hand, not remove it.

Clint sighs as he looks at the clock "I gotta go in an hour" he murmurs, loud enough for the rest to hear as he stares at the clock, fully well knowing he may never return. That thought has him gulping and he looks at Natasha and back to Bucky "I'll see you guys when I see you" he declares as he walks out the door to go grab his weapons and uniform and rifle. The intentions of his statement, that he didn't specify and said 'whatever' would alert Nat but she was a bit...distracted.

Nearly an hour later he stands on the hellicarrier and sees a helicopter descend but instead of landing it just drops down a rope for Clint to haul himself onto. He grips the rope, ignoring how it cuts into his hand as he's dragged along behind the helicopter until it comes to a slow and he starts climbing. A hundred feet above the city, dangling from a rope attached to a helicopter as he climbs he spots Stark towers and vows to write to the team. He keeps climbing despite harsh winds and once aboard he pulls the rope up to bundle at his feet. He doesn't greet the pilot and just sits down, careful not to let any weapon stab or shoot him. Though his gun digs into his hip just a bit.

He unlocks his phone and opens up a group chat with the Avengers, starting the conversation by saying 'I'm BORED'   
Stark: then do something  
Clint: like what?   
Steve: reports?   
Clint: yeah right. Seriously though

Honestly he was just doing this to annoy them and keep his mind from the possibility of dying 'BUCKY' he types, going for a more whiny feel   
Bucky: CLINT  
Clint: I'M BORED  
Bucky: uh oh last time you were bored enough to whine the entire helicopter interior was painted purple  
Clint: good idea but I didn't bring my paint  
Bucky: oh thank god  
Natasha: AVENGERS ASSEMBLE  
Clint: keep me updated

He turns to the view and watches as the scenery changes from city to beach, to open ocean. His thoughts derail and change and he falls asleep a few times before the dessert heat sets in and Clint subtly changes into his military uniform. Well worn and well fitting it makes the heat all that more easy to handle. Only when they land does a reply come from Nat 'all safe, minor injuries' is all she says, it's all Clint needs.

Clint exits as they land, his rifle bag slung over his shoulder and bumping into his back. Nobody speaks to him, all of them lower ranking and the higher ranks know not to speak to him. He heads to his barracks and flops down on the inconceivably uncomfortable bed as he pulls out his phone 'hey' he sends as he gets up to go greet his unit. The unit knows he's coming and waits outside his barracks until ushered in where things get much less formal. Clint smiles at his unit and they smile back, Clint missed them all.

The special ops unit only has 4 members, a commander and a dog. Beachhead was the first to greet and steps forward with a confident smirk with Daisy, his Alsatian. Clint greets the blond haired, blue eyed trainer with a smile and handshake and shares a fist bump with Daisy. Next is their resident bombs expert, Albert with his glasses, brown hair and generally Bruce-like features who is greeted by a courteous nod since he's not the touchy type. Next is fox, the medic of the group with his brown hair and green eyes, one of the only open gay soldiers on base and lastly is Miranda, the weapons expert and very Peggy Carter like attitude but with blonde hair.

Each person is greeted with a smile and familiarity as a friend would greet another but this bond was deeper and better forged. This was family. The unit left to their barracks before dinner and Clint looks at his phone, perking up when he sees a reply from Bucky 'still bored?' 'Very'. He looks around the barracks which was only a bed and dresser with no personality which was to be expected in a way and took one picture out of his rifle case, standing on the bed to tape it to the ceiling, very sentimental to say that it would be the first thing he sees in the morning. The picture was of the team on the couch and smiling in a giant dog pile with Natasha on top. She sits atop Clint like a cat, graceful and oh so unwilling to get off


	2. Sudden and expected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> calm and quiet never lasts forever

The picture made Clint smile but also wonder if he would make it out alive, if he would ever be able to see those smiles again. The thought made the smile on his face disappear as he headed to the mess hall, grabbing some food, he really couldn't care less what it was and checking his phone once again. As he took a bite of the mince mix he typed with one hand, shoveling the food in his mouth with the other 'I want some of my coffee', it only took a few seconds for Tony to respond 'Barton your taste in coffee has me questioning my faith in humanity' and Clint snickers "Hey boss, whatcha laughin' 'bout?" Miranda asks, plonking down in front of Clint "a friend who doesn't like my taste in coffee"Clint states and Beachhead answers calmly "he has every right. Cheap, cold, black coffee should be banned" he states.

Ok so Clint's unit was much less formal than most other teams but they've seen much more war than other teams. It was logical that after having to cuddle for warmth, patch each other up in the worst conditions and being tortured together that they'd be close enough not to play the soldier-commander stereotype. They eat in silence after that and when Clint's phone beeps it's loud in their silence but not in the general chaos of the mess hall, Clint offhandedly checks his phone and sees a picture of Bucky sliding down the stairs on Cap's shiels with Cap stumbling after him. Clint laughs quietly "hmmmm that one's cute" fox says and for a second he thinks fox means Bucky, then he sees the eyes firmly trained on Steve's smile "taken" is all Clint says.

Fox lets out a "drat" at that and Clint laughs as he throws his tray into the bin "see you all tomorrow" he says. Day breaks over the dessert and an alarm is sounded right outside Clint's barracks, he'd know that alarm anywhere and had a gun in his hands before anyone could blink. He was up on the roof instantly and scanned for his unit, Daisy was there but she was barking at anyone who dared get close, her master was injured. Miranda was shooting up a storm and also drawing fire like honey draws bees while Fox and Albert sat on the sidelines, right in the residential area. Clint was shooting but everyone around him was falling. A shot and the person at the tower fell. Another shot and Miranda was down.

Clint had just enough time to look through the scope and see a man press a button before the gate, living quarters and armory went up in flames. Three well places IED's in vital spaces not accessible by the public, an inside job, Daisy watched as Clint approached her but did not bark or growl only whined and nudged her owner with her nose. When Clint saw the spray of bullet holes in Beachhead's chest he knew he was down for the count and tried to calm the dog. He petted Daisy and tried hard to keep control of her, losing time while the enemy was closing in on him though he wasn't thinking about that. The dog had to get out. He placed his knife on his arm and cut, cutting out the tracker implanted there, he then texted the group "FUBAR, captured, teammate wearing tracker' before he planted the tracker on Daisy's ear, a slight whine coming from her throat at the pain of the claw grabbing onto flesh as to not fall off.

He ordered the dog to run just as the enemy spotted him and started shooting.

Clint lasts 10 whole minutes and manages to drop about 40 out of 100 enemies before a shot to his side leaves him vulnerable and someone grabs him from behind, they didn't kill him, that was not a comforting thought as it should have been. Instead they threw him into the back of a van with 2 armed soldiers, I was really incapacitated and the had the upper hand, I was bound by the hands and feet as well as my elbows and knees. They weren't taking chances it seems.

They stopped at a far away facility where they dumped Clint in a cell, untied him and left him in the cold, damp and clearly hard to escape cell. The walls were rock, the door was solid wood with new steel hinges and the place had to windows, Clint pulled out his phone to see nearly 20 replies

Bruce: you ok?

Nat: Where are you?

Steve: You never told us where you were going

Tony: tracker?  
Nat: SHIELD tracker? You cut it out?!

Steve: SHIELD puts trackers where they need to be cut out?

Bruce: That's not healthy

Tony:found it, you're in Iraq?

Nat: CLINT YOU LITTLE SHIT! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!

Steve: I assume you know more than us?

Tony: I found your "teammate", really Clint? A dog?

Nat: Send a picture

Tony: picture sent

Nat: CLINT YOU LITTLE SHIT! GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!

Steve: mind sharing with the class?

Nat: He was deployed by the army into a war zone without telling us

Steve, Nat, Bruce and Tony: left group (temporarily)

Bucky: we'll get you out Clint, don't worry

Tony: rejoined group 

Tony: found your dog, led us to your base, please be alive

Clint sighs and begins typing 'I'm ok, prisoner but ok, I'll get out of this'

Nat, Bruce and Steve: rejoined group

Nat: where are you

Clint: I don't know

Bruce: are you hurt

Clint: not yet

Steve: where is the rest of your team

Clint....didn't make it out, Daisy's the last

Tony: Daisy?

Clint: the dog

Tony: oh

Bucky: has invited you to a private chat

 

Bucky: How are you, really?

Clint: fine

Bucky: Clint

CLint: Bucky

Bucky: grrrr

Clint: :P

Bucky: no seriously 

Clint: I'm fine, they will want information though

Bucky: you tell me when that happens

Clint: of course

The lock on the door jiggles and Clint hides his phone behind a stone, a man speaking in Arabic "من أنت ، ما هو اسمك؟" (who are you, what is your name?), Clint answers sarcastically with a snort, the man is less than pleased "احضاره" (bring him!) he yells and 2 large men grab Clint by the armpits, the wound on his side aching as they toss him around like a rag doll. They place him on a table and strap him down tightly as the leader grabs a knob-ed cane from another table and examines it "يا الألم وسوف تجعلك تشعر" (oh the pain I will make you feel) and once Clint is secure he starts caning his feet, Clint repeats a mantra in his head "pain can be ignored, pain can be ignored", not wanting to give the man the satisfaction of a scream.

Once the man is done Clint is dragged back to the cell and dumped there with little regard to his injuries and as soon as the door closes he grabs the phone

Bucky: Promise?

Bucky: Clint?

Bucky: Clint!

Bucky: are you ok?

Bucky: Shit, either they took your phone or you're being tortured

Clint: I'm ok...ish

Bucky: Ish?

Clint: they caned my feet, not going anywhere for a few hours

Bucky: sit rep

Clint: Bullet wound to my side and caned feet

Bucky: that's not it, they will come back

Clint: I know

That is all Clint can take before the exhaustion of the day catches up with him and he passes out on the cold, dirty, damp floor, he at least drops the phone behind him. Clint is rudely awoken by cold water in his face and over his chest and instinctively draws a deep breath only to realize he was drowning, the convulsions set on and he was spasming on the table he was caned on yesterday, it took a moment for his mind to get on board with what was happening but when it did it came to the conclusion that he was being waterboarded while a man yelled at him in Arabic he couldn't hear, he couldn't hear anything. His aids had short circuited the second the water touched them.

He was captured, being tortured and deaf, not good.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> confession so sad

As they once again dumped Clint on the cold hard, filthily floor he was even worse than before, coughing and spluttering water but he was in his right mind to text Bucky

Clint: water boarded

Bucky: did you breathe in?

Clint: Yes, caught me unaware

Bucky: cough

Clint: I am

Bucky: what do they want?

Clint: info but they don't know I speak Arabian so that's a plus

Bucky: stay strong

Clint once again passed out and was once again awoken by pain, this time from a whip lashing at his back, Clint couldn't hear the man shouting but he knew he was and once again he was dumped on the floor and reached for his phone

Clint: whipped

Bucky: Where?

Clint: back

Bucky: how severe?

CLint: I don't know, I can't see

Bucky: Hardy Har Har, pain level

Clint: Out of 10?

Bucky: yup

Clint: about a 7

Bucky: ok it could've been worse 

 

There started forming a routine, wake up while being tortured, be tortured, talk to Bucky, pass out and repeat;

Clint: electrocuted

Bucky: How bad?

Clint: Not too bad, probably just mild electrical burns

Bucky: pain level?

Clint: 6

Bucky: OK

Clint: beaten  
Bucky: damaged? 

Clint: possible ruptured kidney

Bucky: should I get Bruce?

Clint: NO

Clint: Please just keep talking

Bucky: pain level?

Clint:8

Bucky: ok

Clint: cut, used as cutting board

Bucky: Damage?

Clint: arm artery hit

Bucky: Shit. Pain level?

Clint: 9 1/2  
ucky: ok

Sometimes they shared stories of better times and Clint found himself falling for Bucky

Clint: used a pin cushion 

Bucky: Damage?

Clint:...along with other injuries...fatal

Bucky: Clint?

Clint: ruptured spleen, blood loss, pneumonia, infected gunshot wound

Bucky: Clint, stay strong, ok?

Clint: I don't think I can anymore

Bucky: one more day

Clint: I don't know 

Bucky: pain level?

Clint: 10

Bucky: ok

Clint: experimented on

Bucky: with what?

Clint: pain serum

Bucky: Shit

Clint: yeah

Bucky: Pain level?

Clint: above the scale

Clint: I can't handle any more

Bucky: come on Clint you can do this

Clint: no I can't

Bucky: Please don't do this

Clint: I'm sorry

Clint: I love you

Clint: left chat (permanently)

Bucky:.....

Bucky: I love you too :'(


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> life is fragile as glass but reinforced as well

He isn't sure if it's a good thing or not but..Once again Clint was woken up harshly by a slap that drew a raw grunt out of Clint and he saw a man he'd never seen before, well not in person, he knew the military wanted this man dead. Clint planned to make their dreams a reality, he focused hard on reading the man's lips though his head hurt and his sight was slightly blurrier than he was used to. He made out the words 'team' 'dead' and 'disappointment'. His mind instantly flashed back to when he was a young kid still living with his parents and admittedly abusive father and he lashed out without thought. They obviously didn't expect him to have any strength left because he hit the man square in the nose, drawing his fist up in an angle that pushes the broken nose into the brain, instantly killing the person.

The guard on his left tried to rip Clint's arm out of it's socket but Clint didn't allow it, he pulled back, probably tearing a few ligaments that would smart later but it was worth it when he slammed the guards' heads into each other and is left having to support his own weight on caned feet, probably infected as well. He looks down the hall to the exit but instead pulls the last weapon on his person, the dessert eagle, from his side and looks around. He spots the place he was always dragged from after the torture and stumbled his way to the horror movie style door, complete with peeling paint and rusting metal hinges.

He takes a deep breath. Steadying himself for seeing his tormentor once again and checks that his gun is loaded and ready to fire. Once he is happy he bursts from the hallway and kicks open the door, the unlocked closing mechanism breaking under the force of his weight. He has 5 seconds of panic where he spots 20 guard standing around the scientist working on the pain serum and his tormentor. He pulls 10 shots from the cover of the dusted air before it settles and he has to run to the metal table and tip it for cover. He shoots many of the remaining guards but one manages to sneak up on him with a syringe filled with the pain serum and even manages to inject a bit.

The pin prick of the needle alarms Clint and he lashes out with his foot, driving it into the guard's chest and sending the syringe scattering across the floor. The guard makes a desperate attempt to punch Clint but Clint twists his arm so strongly and sharply the bone snaps under the sudden pressure and Clint quickly snaps his neck and stands, using the dead man as a human shield as he runs for the syringe. His side twists painfully when the bullet wound protests the weight suddenly laid on his arms to keep the guy up. He grabs the syringe and draws his side arm, there are only 4 people left in the room including himself, the scientist and tormentor (both of which he wants to keep till a bit later) only one guard left standing which he plants a bullet in with little to no hesitation.

Clint drops the dead man's body, stepping closer to the unarmed tormentors with his gun pointed at their general direction until he stands right by them, he then looks the scientist in the eyes as he aims the gun at his tormentor's leg and deliberately pulls the trigger slowly so the man can wince at the loudness but also see what was coming and do nothing about it "That was for Aiden" another shot to the other leg "Miranda" another shot to the spine, paralyzing the man "This is for Beachhead, not only did you rob me of a teammate but you rid Daisy of her other half, you will pay for that" the last squeeze of the trigger sends a bullet into the man's stomach "you don't deserve a fast death" Clint says, never did he look away from the scientist's eyes, seeing every wince on the man's face and every tear threatening to fall, it distracted him enough not to notice the needle sliding into his skin before a wave of agony washed over him.

Clint yanked himself away from the scientist and saw a last guard with another syringe, he was easily dealt with but the scientist was still staring at the tormentor in horror as the man bled out in front of him. Clint jabbed the syringe into the man's arm and injected the entire syringe, it would kill him slowly since Clint had only half a syringe but there was other prisoners, he had seen them once or twice, a young girl and an old man though lint doubted that the old man was still alive so he rushed down the hallway, looking through small windows in the doors only to see empty rooms.

One room had a dead body that Clint immediately recognized as dead by the fact that his chest was not moving, another had blood on the walls, everywhere like someone had exploded. The one had a small girl huddled in a corner, sobbing in pain. Clint could sympathize with her, the pain serum would wear off though and as Clint kicked in the admittedly strong looking but weak door and picked her up, she screamed bloody murder but was too weak to do anything else. Clint slung the weak girl across his back to piggy back ride him as he looked for an exit. Avengers group;

Clint: rejoined group

Clint: I'm alive


	5. Chapter 5

Private group with Bucky;

Bucky:...

Bucky: I love you too :'(

Clint: wow, sap. I'm alive

Clint was left reeling by the admission though, he had expected to die, he hadn't expected Bucky to answer, let alone admit that he loved Clint back.

Tony: Clint! Where were you?

Nat: It's been a week

Bruce: are you injured?

Steve: report. Sit rep

Bucky: come on Clint

Clint: Injured, near collapse

Bucky: Gosh darn it Clint

Tony: Gosh Darn it?  
Bucky: Shit

Clint: lol

Clint: I'll see if I can see where I am sweetheart ; )

Bucky: Be fast about it honey

Tony: WHAT?!

Nat: oh...

Bruce: congradulations

Tony: how did I not see this coming?!

Steve: FINALLY

Tony:....

Tony: no

Tony: no no no no no 

Tony: CAPSICKLE who still has troubles figuring out the MICROWAVE, figured it out before me

Tony: I call foul

Clint laughs at the absurdity of the situation, accidentally jostling the kid on his back, drawing a pained gasp from her which either means she has one hell of a pain tolerance or the serum is wearing off, the first one is more likely. Clint shifts his grip on the kid as he spots a door larger than the rest and makes a break for it, his dessert eagle which he picked up from the floor in his hand and aimed in front of him. The front is unguarded but he also notices then that the base is in the middle of freaking nowhere! Probably Siberia mountains. He shifts the kid and starts hiking, the adrenaline wearing off and sending shocks of pain at each movement.

Clint: In the middle of nowhere

Clint: Cold,night, mountains, still dry

Nat: Nearest mountain range to Iraq?

Clint: Zagros Mountains, Iran

Nat: understood

Clint: hiking to the nearest city, civilian hurt but protected

Bucky: .....Be safe. And no giving up this time

Clint: Sir yes Sir

Bucky: I wish I could slap you right now

Clint: kinky

Tony: STOP! I am not hearing about your sexual frustration! That goes for you too terminator

Clint: says the one who can't work up the courage to ask Steve out

Bucky: What?

Clint: Oh you didn't know

Nat: Clint you're making Steve blush

Bucky: ok finally

Tony: OK?

Steve: OK?

Bucky: of course

Nat: And now they're kissing

Nat: Great job Clint but they're kissing

Clint: :P

After hours of hiking and climbing Clint finally reaches a town and asks for a city name, giving the child to a concerned lady

Clint: Sargel-E Farkhinvand  
Tony: got it  
Bucky: hold on Clint we're coming to get you

Clint: I'll hold on

Bucky: you better

Clint couldn't help himself though, he was just SO TIRED, so he let the penny drop and fell unconscious

When Clint came too he was in a large white room instead of the small dark room he was held in, a hand was held in his own and there was an insistent beeping sound, he could feel the aches and pains but it was numbed. After all this information was processed Clint reached the conclusion that he was in a hospital, until he saw the SHIELD symbol " SHIELD medical" he murmurs , drawing the attention of the once sleeping figure holding his hand, he saw was Bucky, he squeezed the hand in apology and reassurance as their eyes met, their confessions burning bright in Clint's mind.

He hoped his gaze said it all "I love you" "I'm sorry" "I hope you're ok" but the kiss Bucky gave him didn't even translate into words. It was pure emotion and said more than any language could


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> epilogue

Surprisingly the pain serum also doubled a person's healing abilities which in Clint's mind means they wanted people alive but in excruciating pain, that made him all the more mad as he marched determined into the tower, stumbling once once. It's been a day since he was in medical with Bucky and was he glad to get out! Clint hates medical, everyone from doctor to patient knows it and when he tries to leave they either strap him down or let him go, depending on the injury. The pain serum should heal all the other wounds and the effects should wear off in a few days, the doctor had said.

Clint was fine, physically but he needed to grieve so as soon as they were in the common room he asked Jarvis to open up file 17339 "Unit file", which he did. The cover was a photo of the unit in full military dress, Aiden striking the most flamboyant pose ever seen, Miranda deciding to mimic Nat and smiling that seductive but dangerous smile Nat always does. Beachhead and Daisy were standing proud, Daisy's collar matching Beachhead's collar bracelet. It made Clint's hear ache.

"Aiden was so scared when he first came out to us, he was scared we'd kick him out until I confessed about being Bi and Miranda confessed about being Ace, it was ok after that. Him and I would always check out the new soldiers while Miranda settled out debate about which one was hotter. Beachhead generally avoided those fights because 1) he was straight and 2) he knew better than to get involved" a wry smile wormed it's way onto Clint's lips. His gaze stayed on the picture steadily "It was in the middle of a war zone and he thought he was going o die, so he confessed, say he'd die an honest man". A sad laugh made it's way from Clint's throat.

It wasn't hard to see that his unit's death had hit him hard, it was right there in his eyes, the way they were too bright and too watery, he cared about his unit, he had lost them. Bucky laid a hand on Clint's shoulder and sat next to him, so close their hips and thighs were pressing against each other. Clint swiped his finger over air and a new picture popped up, it was of Miranda with a coy smile leaving the bar with a man "The first seduction mission she did, she hated every second of it" Clint whispered "Jarvis, could you put contacts; Dave, Bene' and Ben on the phone?" "of course agent Barton". 

Clint took a steadying breath before the 3 voices yelled "CLINT" in surprise and happiness, Clint gave a watery laugh "where's the others?" Dave asks, sounding optimistic "they.....they came home, not alive but I made sure they came home" Clint says softly. A silence follows and Bucky squeezes Clint's hand "I'm sorry" Clint says and it was repeated 3 times through the silence before each contact hung up "It wasn't worth it" Clint whispers, pressing himself into Bucky. Bucky wraps his arms around Clint and holds him close "Ashes to ashes" Bucky says into the empty silence "ashes to ashed and dust to dusted" Clint whispers back, equally as soft.


End file.
